


After all the blood you still owe

by meverri



Category: The Penumbra Podcast
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, spoilers for 3.14
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-16
Updated: 2020-06-16
Packaged: 2021-03-04 06:07:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,162
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24748846
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/meverri/pseuds/meverri
Summary: Peter apologizes to Juno for yelling at Rita. He only wishes he could apologize for more.
Relationships: Peter Nureyev/Juno Steel
Comments: 23
Kudos: 97





	After all the blood you still owe

**Author's Note:**

> This contains spoilers for season 3 episode 14: Juno Steel and the Ultra-Megabots of Cyberjustice, Part 2. 
> 
> If you would like to talk to me about that episode — because oh boy, what an episode — I'm on tumblr @[hundred-separate-lines](hundred-separate-lines.tumblr.com)
> 
> Enjoy!

“I’m sorry, Juno.”

Juno looks up from where his head is bent over a coil of wiring. Being the most likely to accidentally blow something up due to proximity to a computer, Juno has spent their time on this planet cutting copper wire and stripping the ends, holding tools for Jet, and figuring out how to cook the plant life around them. Peter has spent most of _his_ time on the island sitting beside Juno and doing whatever can be done without standing or walking anywhere, which has simultaneously been very frustrating and, in another context, very _frustrating _. It is extremely difficult to watch Juno’s hands as he works and to remain present enough to fiddle with complex machinery; Peter has learned this lesson the hard way, as it were.__

__But enough of that. Juno is frowning at Peter, or perhaps just squinting against the midday sun. Yesterday, Jet crafted him a pair of crutches that have worked surprisingly well. This has been a great disappointment to Peter, who had been enjoying the piggyback rides provided by the rest of the crew, especially Juno, and who now must walk places like some commoner._ _

__“Sorry for what?” Juno asks, and it rockets Peter back to the task at hand._ _

__Peter tries and fails to sit beside Juno. He is still getting used to the crutches. On his second attempt, Juno helps him. His hand is warm against the small of Peter’s back, comforting and sure, and Peter’s heart breaks._ _

__He cannot apologize in the way he would like. He cannot apologize for betraying their little family, for the debt that haunts his every move, for the thousand moments in which he could have confessed to Juno and did not (including this one — every time they speak, the list grows longer, a chain wrapping around Peter’s throat, and someday it will choke those words out of him forever). He has resolved to live with the guilt that sits in his heart because he knows, deep down, that he deserves it. He only wishes he could tell Juno how truly sorry he is — sorry that their time will come to an end sooner than he had anticipated, sorry that they are all in danger because of him, _sorry_ that Juno will not be able to follow him this time._ _

__His debt is a ticking clock. It always has been, to some extent, but he has never felt it as acutely as he does now. Soon, his time with Juno will be done, and the happiest part of his life will become nothing more than a comforting memory. Even now, with Juno’s warm eye fixed on his face, with his warm hand fixed on Peter’s back, he feels it slipping through his fingers like water, like sand, like a tether fraying at one end. It terrifies him utterly._ _

__“I’m sorry for shouting at you and Rita,” he says instead. “I was… unkind to her, and unfair to both of you. I apologize.”_ _

__Juno’s hand moves against Peter’s back in slow, rhythmic circles. Peter wonders if Juno knows he is moving at all. “I forgive you,” he says. “I know it came as a surprise, and you reacted badly. Thanks for apologizing.”_ _

__Peter leans forward and kisses Juno, his lips brushing the corner of Juno’s mouth as lightly as a feather. “I know you wouldn’t tell anyone,” he says. “I trust you, dear, and Rita.”_ _

__Juno’s light expression turns into a scowl. “Yeah, well, that wasn’t fair of her to dig into you like that. That might be on me, a bit. She gets protective.”_ _

__Peter smiles. “Of you, dear? Who wouldn’t?”_ _

__Juno’s scowl turns into his Someone-Complimented-Me-And-I-Don’t-Know-How-To-React-To-It scowl. It is Peter’s favorite expression him, aside from the face he makes when he — well, no, Peter can’t think about that right now. He needs to concentrate._ _

__When the time comes — when his debts are collected, when he is no longer welcome with his little family, when Juno finally discovers his betrayal — he will want to look back on this moment, and the thousand little ones like it. He will want to remember Juno’s kind eyes, his lips, the way the sun shone through his hair. He will want to remember what Juno’s forgiveness feels like. He will want to remember what Juno’s love feels like._ _

__“Yeah, yeah, okay,” grumbles Juno, turning back to his work._ _

__Peter nuzzles his nose into Juno’s neck. Juno keeps working, so Peter catalogues his smell, the exact texture of his skin, the place where his stubble begins, the way it scratches against Peter’s cheek. He traces his hand down Juno’s back, feeling planes of muscle and the curve of his spine — Juno has _terrible_ posture, really — and the soft cotton of his shirt. Juno’s strong arm holds him there, his thumb tracing circles on Peter’s back, and all Peter wants is to stay._ _

___Remember_ , he thinks. _Please, please, let me remember_._ _

__“Oh, hey,” says Juno. “What’s wrong?”_ _

__Peter realizes that he is crying. He feels strangely removed from the situation, as though his body is betraying his every thought. Rather than pulling away and composing himself, which would be the _intelligent_ response, he holds on tighter, buries himself even further in Juno’s skin. Juno wraps his other arm around Peter, turns and lets him rest against the warm expanse of his chest. Peter is so utterly and horribly in love that for a moment he wonders if his body can contain it._ _

__Instead, he just shakes his head. “Sorry,” he says. “I don’t know.”_ _

__It’s a lie, but Juno does not question it, and for that, Peter is grateful. “Okay,” he says. He kisses the crown of Peter’s head with such kind reverence that Peter begins to sob. “Hey, _shhh_ , it’s okay.”_ _

__Peter nods and clings to Juno like a lifeline. Juno holds him, warm and solid and strong, and Peter melts against him. He lets Juno cradle him until the sobs subside, until the tears leave salty tracks against his face. At length, he pulls away, then pulls himself together._ _

__“All right,” he says, taking a deep breath. “I think I’ll ask Jet if he needs any help with the Ruby.”_ _

__Juno is concerned, Peter can tell, but he doesn’t question Peter’s intent. Instead, he kisses Peter on the cheek and uses one hand to fix his hair. “Okay,” he says. “I’m on dinner duty tonight. Got any ideas?”_ _

__“Oh, goodness, no,” says Peter, feeling somewhat sick at the honesty and openness of Juno's trust. He wants nothing less than to betray it, and yet... “I’ll leave the cooking those who haven’t set several kitchen fires in the last few months.”_ _

__Juno chuckles. “Okay,” he says. “I’ll see you later, hon.”_ _

__Peter smiles. “I’ll see you soon. I love you, Juno.”_ _

__Juno still looks worried, but he manages to blush a little at that. “Love you, too,” he says, and Peter savors every syllable._ _

__Someday, he knows, he will miss it._ _

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave a kudos or comment if you liked this fic!


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